To be a hero.

A few days ago, I saw something that made me sick! It started as I was walking down Flinders st, a bad taste in my mouth, what was it you ask? cigarette smoke of course.. but that's not really relevant.. anyway. I was walking behind some guy with his daughter, and he was the one blowing smoke into my face. Gah.. damn you cigarette... keep taking me off-topic. ANYWAY (I'll get you later brain) as I was waiting for the lights.. to cross the road.. (the one before Spring st when walking from Flinders st station, it goes onto a bridge?) one of those old style taxis things drove past, and the man started yelling. he then proceeded to run across the road through traffic.. to try and flag it down. this was not necessarily the bad thing... as it was his choice. what made me sick was that his daughter followed him.. halfway across the road.. at first she went the wrong way.. and then got caught between two lanes of traffic.. all this time the 'father' just kept chasing after the taxi.. ran about 100m down the bridge.. didn't look back once. the girl.. was thinking about running across the other half of the road to try catch up to her.. 'father', at this point the there was a lot of tension around me as we watched her. but luckily she decided to wait and press the pedestrian button thing. Only at this point did her 'father' look back. apparently completely unaware of how close his daughter had come to mortal peril.

This brings me to my main point, what is a hero? While I saw her, thinking about running across the road through the traffic.. would I have tried to save her? I wanted to, and I think I would have, but I also accept that there is fear.. self preservation, it would go against all my deep ingrown mental orders to put myself in danger like that. I guess I would not have known if I would unless it happened, and I did or I didn't. maybe that is what makes a hero, when faced with situations like that, you would try to save the person, even if it goes against all ingrained ideas. Is a person who gives a lot of money to charity a hero, or just kind? I don't think I can answer these questions for anyone but myself.

2 down, 4 to go.

for some reason, after doing my biology exam a few weeks ago, these seem so trivial. Although I will study still due to well.. its become a kind of sad ritual for me..

anyway, i was thinking today, what people do when that nervousness starts to creep up on people, before exams. usually i'm okay till i actually enter the school for that morning, then i'l start feeling like i'm really bloated.. and proceed to go to the toilet about 3 times.. the second and third times.. to actually do nothing, except pretend going to the toilet to get my mind off things.

oh and on other note. I applaud Australia post. only two days to get an air conditioner shipped from Sydney.

homework

wow. school has started again... :(

and the teachers. must get happiness from dumping homework on me. i think though.. if i was a teacher. i would too. *evil laugh* although.. i would of course have to sell my soul.. so dont think its going to happen

sigh.. something bad has happened. lover doesn't trust me. she thinks I don't love her. all because of ..her... I don't know why her does it.. but its almost like her is trying to separate us... I don't know what to do... i will try to rectify. firstly i will have to set up boundaries to stop her from doing things. i must. i love lover so much, i dont want this to change.

sadness...

for reasons... always sad... not just m.. and i don't know what to do... feeling separation will occur of late...

goals

Goal 1: always do what is right. no matter what it will lead to.

Goal 2: change the earth

sleep

sleepy head. time for wake up. dreams are over. welcome to the (un)real world